A whole lobster is not necessarily a big meal. This one was 1.25 lb. but next time I’ll move up to 1.5 lbs.
And have more butter and beer.
And maybe a side.
If you’re pressed for time, you can turn in your lobster order — they take about 15 minutes to boil — and then go for the brewski three hundred yards down the highway to the “Beverage Center”. There’s a selection of single bottles only where you can pick your poison before paper sacking it back.
Your order should be up in a moment.
The wooden stick and melted butter will be on your tray when your number is called. If you don’t want your fingers buttery, grab a fork from the bins near the napkins.
And get a lot of napkins. I won’t repeat that since we’re all adults. You’ll need ’em. And if you’re sitting across from someone, get some extras for your glasses. You’ll need those too.
This is not a neat and tidy task.
Disassembly begins with the claws, then the legs and the flippers. The tail is the main course and the tamale the desert. After that, there are a few small joints with some scraps but, frankly, if you’re still hungry and willing to work that hard, just get a larger lobster.
Oh, almost forgot. The stick is to push out the meat. With the claws, you break off the small claw, crack and break off the end, and then twist off the joint at the other end. Then, you poke the stick through the open joint and shove the meat out the broken end. Stick it on the fork or use your fingers to dip it in the butter before eating.
You get two so the first is for learning. The second will go easier.
Legs and flippers are “sucking” parts and I don’t mean the lobster. Just break open the end and have at it until the sliver inside surrenders to your ministrations.
First timers should see YouTube for “How to eat a lobster” but, don’t worry, it’s not rocket science.
Think cave man instead.
Did I mention you should wear old clothes?
They’re gonna stink in pretty short order (hours, not days). If you’re on the road, grab one of the hotel’s laundry plastic baggies and tie them up in that. If you don’t believe me, open the sack and sniff it the next morning.
There are undoubtedly a great many places where you can get whole fresh boiled lobster in the northeastern US, and lots of places throughout the US and worldwide where they fly them in still alive and kicking. If you get to choose your victim — you’re in a good place, by the way — get the one that takes some chasing. It’s healthy.
The place I went in New Hampshire is very close to the beach suggesting this would be great after a day of sunning and dodging the sharks. Swim suits will be fine — this place is casual, very casual.
And you if want to buy one at the airport and fly it home in a box, there’s really not a whole lot you can do to mess up a boiled lobster — just use a big pot of rapidly boiling water and remember, “head first” and “all in quickly.” A heavy lid is a good idea, too, or just hold it down until the lobster changes its mind.